We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
