Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
