Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
