We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
