Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
