My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
