im gay
i know
yea but for you.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
