Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
