if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
