i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
