You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
