I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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