ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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