He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
