i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
