The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
