It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
