did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
