my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Welp...herpes.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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