Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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