He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
