Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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