I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
