i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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