You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
