I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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