i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
