dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
