I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
