I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
