really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
