Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
