I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
