I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
