I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
40s are totally the cure
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
