I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
