I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
