Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
