Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
