Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
