just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
