Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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