She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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