Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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