Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
