I hope mine doesn't look like that
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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