I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
