Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
