dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
