i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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