So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
