Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
