Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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