I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
