I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
