Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
